Had my first dream about my brother since he died. Last night, had two consecutive dreams. The first, we had a very vast space that our family was using. It was more space than we actually had when we were kids. It was rural, as it felt like a barn, yet urban, as though we were in the middle of the city in a time that honestly felt a little bit like a time of crisis.
I realize now that the space that I was imagining was the barn, of course. There was a red building across the street from where I grew up. I call it The Barn. You can find it in my other writings. In this dream, we owned the barn, there was no "Roger" and my dad was nowhere to be found, either. My mother brought me in there and told me to rearrange it.
We were planning on making my brother into some kind of music star. That apparently seemed to be the plan in both of these dreams. In each of these dreams, my job was to make the situation ideal for him. In the case of rearranging the barn, the goal was to turn it into a recording studio for he and his band.
I remember in this dream he sang a song rather loudly as I was planning all of this out for him, and at the end I encouraged him to stop playing, or to not play another song so that we could discuss planning, and he seemed somewhat perturbed by it, and that's not far from the truth in dealings with my actual brother. Only in this case, I was able to do much more for him.
I built him a fantastic studio in the attic of the barn and helped him find friends and they made great music. It felt like a dream at times, although I knew how close to the real situation this dream actually was. I knew that although in this dream I was in a better position to help him, the end was going to be the same.
In the next dream, I was instructed to renovate a van to become a camper for my brother to tour the country in. I had a great design and looked forward to developing this mighty vehicle. I took time to carve out all edges and make it look as though it came from a factory, even though it was custom made. As he drove away with hardly a thanks, I knew that he would trash it, and it broke my heart just a little, because I wondered why I hadn't built that for myself. I would haven taken great care.
In real life, I knew that my brother, since he took his own life, is unable to channel himself into the living world and challenge reality the same way that other spirits can. That's due to my religion (Jedi) although in dealing with that faith, I also understand now that souls can have a change of heart in the afterlife. In that, they can free themselves from whatever is harboring their existence to the spirit realm. I hope this dream is a sign somehow that he has begun to liberate himself from the psychological and spiritual chains he found himself in here in the real world. Death is no escape; for sure, it's a continuation of sorts. We'll have to figure that out.