Friday, January 12, 2018

Spoiler Alert: A New Hoax

OK... So I just thought that it would be a good idea to pre-emptively write the Star Wars 9th Episode everyone seems intent on being disappointed by.

This is just a preview, of my vision of the ultimate Ep9 movie. It's a pet project, and I guess I have about a day and a half to work on it, because the release is in about 23 months. Here it is: "A New Hoax"

So, the whole thing goes like this.

Kylo Ren decides that he doesn't give a fuck about the empire, but fears the repercussions of abandoning it, so he needs to disassemble it himself, and finds himself isolated from all potential allies.

Rey finds out that Kylo is her older brother, and that her parents hid her out of fear for her safety when she was about 6 and he was 14 and founded the Knights of Ren.

Luke does come back, mainly to tell Rey that Han and Leia didn't tell her that she was their daughter when they were alive because they didn't know how to at the time when they reunified.

Hmm...! Also Snoke comes back at an inopportune time and reveals that he's immortal and can't be killed. And that he's been there since the beginning of time and before all creatures and will be there until after the end of all creatures. That sort of thing. And Kylo's like, woah because he knows he's mortal and will never be immortal because he's never been able to communicate with his grandfather, but maybe there's a scene where Snoke tricks him into thinking that he was, when he wasn't. That sort of thing which drives Kylo to the point of being almost batty.

Like why did he want the map to Luke in 7? Because he was afraid of him being killed in his sleep, don't you think he'd feel comforted by the idea that his would-be assassin voluntarily hermited himself to an undisclosed location. Seemed kind of like a self imposed protective order.

The battles and stuff is not my department, but the overall story arch seems hard to grasp. I mean, Carrie Fisher is no longer with us. I'm going to say something kind of messed up but true: if they took out Princess Leia when the bridge exploded, instead of her floating back in, and kept Luke, there would be a few less plot gaps to fill in. I think Carrie would agree if she visited us as a force ghost.