One of the more challenging things in life is imagining that the outcome of the future is one way, when in fact what actually plays out is something very different. Leaving behind those expectations, only abiding by a checklist, is about the best we can do to see fit. In film, particularly, that can be daunting because with the way I conduct my operations, I'm not given a second chance.
I've had relationships go in a direction i never thought they would go; and there have been many jobs that I've taken up where what I hoped for just simply did not turn out the way that I wanted.
Every once in a while, I do something unexpected and it turns out great. It's gotten to the point where I count on the unexpected to carry me through all of the times I didn't meet up to my own expectations, or the situation itself did not.
Carrying through that, trying or attempting to have a better plan for the future, might be what I could be better at. Every time you go through something where you're not really sure of the outcome, you practice that. And the hope is that as we get older, we get better. I'd like to simply get better without getting older, as the world continues and I remain ever-present and aware.
Tapping into that space in my head which i know is not necessarily my own space; the shared space; the social space. The parts of our mind that are not just ourselves but a combination of everything around us. We are so often conflicted by this because it's so easy to believe that all of our thoughts are our own. I often think that we are like mini-explosions; that our particles are paired with stars and photons and galaxies, and that all that we do here on earth as these creatures, these living beings, is to play out what happens in science, both molecularly and astronomically. That we are actors, essentially, acting out our lives as what we really represent are objects in space.
Above all, what we all want is to do the best we can and to live interesting lives. There have been many occasions where I might not have done the absolute best thing I could have done. On many occasions, I chose goofing off to facing the hard work. Or half-assing something which required a full ass. At the end of the day, at 35, I'm still that kid on the skateboard with the camera. Only now the stakes have changed, the equipment has gotten better, and I still haven't learned anything new in a while. On the skateboard, the kids call me Old Dog because I can't seem to learn anything new. Old dog Rusty.