I would like to be a filmmaker. Not just any filmmaker though. I don't want to make horror films or films that just make people laugh. But the kind that seriously impact peoples' perception of reality. The sort that you walk out of the theater feeling a newfound perspective on the world in which we live. Hopefully an enlightened and empowered perspective.
This all started before I ever had a camera. It probably began the moment while watching a movie I wondered, "How did they do that?" Once I started thinking in those terms, it became a little more difficult to watch films objectively. As I grew older, it became increasingly difficult to watch a film and to just enjoy it, without being consumed by questions about what was going on behind the scenes.
I've never made the full connection between writing and filmmaking. Usually most of the stuff that I've produced, in terms of film, has either been paid for by a client or entirely unplanned. I used to see all my friends with the potential to be great subjects of films but I'm still dialing in the method by which I can make that possible, by understanding the mentality behind people; we are subject to the awareness of the camera. I hope in my lifetime to conquer and comprehend.Me and Filming Stuff
I was involved in a car accident when I was 19 years old. I had already known that I wanted to produce media in life, but it wasn't until then when things started to change for me, perspectively. I began to think about the world in a very different way. I started to think that each and every moment was a rare opportunity to experience it. And I didn't quite feel this way before that accident. It wasn't until after that occurred that I began filming everything. This was before phones had decent cameras. I carried around a DCR-HC30 everywhere and filmed stuff like my friends at the skatepark.The accident left me sort of damaged. My back was broken. I had some torn ligaments. The recovery process was slow and as a coffeeshop worker who was not in school at the time, I was not insured. I ended up actually pursuing litigation against the insurance company of the driver of the vehicle, a soccer mom on her way to North Haven who didn't think it was necessary to slow down to the speed limit on State Street, oblivious to the possibility of skateboarders or pedestrians. The case settled with myself found exactly 49% at fault, which is just a fraction below being half-responsible and just enough for me to pay everyone else for my pain.
That's pretty much the point where I started smoking ganja lots. I was in pain and my friends would come over. They'd bring herb and I never bought before. It didn't numb the pain: it helped me feel it. Rather than dull my senses, I became acutely aware of the pain inside my body and i would stretch after I smoked. It helped me work through the problems. I'd only take a little. Typically I had a bowl made out of an apple which i would perforate into a device with a chopstick. I bought this at a store which sold lighters, apples, and chopsticks. It was perfect because I could walk around town with one late at night and nobody would know the difference. Not a soul would be aware that I had a perfectly functional apparatus in my hands, and I would pack it once typically, walk around, take a few bites, and chuck it away, walk around and think my most deepest personal philosophical thoughts.Dumb stuff I do with my friends
Will R, is here in town because his father found a good job. And he's saved me more times than once. He took me to Bonnaroo and told me that he'd pay my fare if I drove. He bought a Mac computer, decided he didn't like it, and gave it to me. He's done a number of things which have been completely helpful. He's been trading furniture in the city with his friends Alpana and her husband, can't remember the dude's name. Enar or something. He's Icelandic. Alpana is Indian. She makes clothing and has garment-makers in India who produce the clothes she sells in the West Village. I guess the story goes that Will R. walked in there one day and saw the clothes and bought a suit. As life would shape it, they became friends. Will had an art show over there back in probably July, I guess? They got busted by the weirdos in NYC going after the AirBNB industry. He says they're hotel lobbyists who are after people who infringe upon their business. I told him, "I never talk to the people in the hotel lobby, and it's for reasons like these."
That was sort of a joke kind of.
Footage from his Bonnaroo trip can be found in this interview with StepKids in Hartford.
While I was at Bonnaroo with Will R, way back in 2013 I knew that a few of my friends were playing on stage somewhere. They're probably one of the biggest bands which have come from CT in a while. I mean, there aren't a ton of Connecticut bands touring Europe at the moment. If you know of any, I'd like to also know because I have of course yet another website, a database which is for and about CT and local music. The Stepkids were playing that year, and I thought for sure that we would be able to get in there for free, as I had back in 2006. Will however insisted that we just buy tickets and already had a wristband for me.
I wonder how this all fits in to the larger appearance of the world around us. How perhaps your life fits into mine, if that should be the case. I wondered because of the immense amount of difficulty in my past if I would ever get by. I think already I'm ahead of things. At 34, I certainly don't feel old. But life has taken its toll. I realize that it's hard to get by. It's not easy to survive and it's more than just being lucky. It takes more than even being obsessed with money to succeed. It requires being a good person and sticking to the ambitions that you believe will help make the most of your existence and will create a better world. Those have always been the most rewarding experiences for me. And that's basically what I'm trying to do.
In the meantime, obviously interspersed with this article have been pictures of paddling around by myself on a Sunday. I'll admit it: I wish there were someone who I could share certain moments with.